Monday, July 21, 2008

White Wedding

Marriage is like starting a hard drug habit.

A friend of mine was bemoaning her marriage the other day. She said she didn't marry her "true love" cos of religion, now it sounds like she's in a loveless marriage. Maybe it'll get better, maybe worse, who knows. End of the day, I feel real sorry for her.

In the UK 40%+ of marriages end in divorce. What a number eh? Now some of you may say, that the UK is a real liberal country and that maybe people divorce too easy; but then I may say that there are still loadsa couples that stay in unhappy marriages cos of their kids etc etc. So I suspect 40% of unhappy marriages hits the mark just about right.

Somehow I don't think the unhappy marriage ratio in Indo would differ too much from the UK, it's just harder to measure cos I suspect divorce is kinda taboo.

Starting out, most of those 40% of couples probably feel they have a good a chance as any, relationships are complicated things, NO couple knows whether they'll be one of the 40% or not; and whether they'll open themselves up to some of the most harrowing experiences people can subject themselves to.

It's like trying hard drugs for the first time. Maybe you want to experiment just once (or twice) yada yada yada, but that's how terminal addicts started off too. I wonder what percentage of experimenters ruin their lives through drug use? 5%? 10%? 20%?

Marriage or experimenting with drugs is basically the same problem, you may have the best of intentions, but so did all those miserable couples and all those wretched junkies on the streets.

All I can say (as a hedge fund risk analyst) is bon chance!

9 comments:

Brett said...

Nice writing. I might be wrong, but I think divorce is only taboo for us uptight Westerners. Divorce (and remarriage) seems to be fairly common here. A lot of my Indonesian friends are divorced and/or come from divorsed families. As far as I know, from an Islamic perspective, there's nothing wrong with divorce - it's adultery that's the big no-no.

I have added you to my blog-roll...

anima said...

Marriage or experimenting with drugs is basically the same problem, you may have the best of intentions, but so did all those miserable couples and all those wretched junkies on the streets.

Haha, remind me for not getting married then ya :D

therry said...

Well, my dad's friends had been married for what, 20 - 25 years? and they're not happy. But they are adamant to show how 'happy' they are to the world, even though everyone knows the husband 'shops around' and the wife is a true gossiper. They even had an anniversary celebration recently, which was sort of pathetic and sad.

For most Indonesians, being divorced is an embarrassment to their image and reputation, so they better stay unhappily married.

It also has a lot to do with tradition - here, people still think that getting married is their ultimate life goal, the be all and end all, and there is peer pressure when it comes to that too.

The married couples will persuade their single friends to get married (just so that their friends can end up being as miserable as they are), and when their friends are married, the persuasion moves onto the talk of having children.

Sadly, so many people give in to it - they follow the crowd, do what their friends do, and not daring to do what THEY want to do.

Which is why they end up marrying the wrong people, thus living unhappily with each other.

It's an insane cycle.

johnorford said...

brett, thx for the link.

anima, yeh, i will remind u when u'r about to tie the knot! :)

therry, yeh i think u'r right. it's peer pressure like being a teenager and being pressured to drink and smoke etc!!

Anonymous said...

Do not marry someone you think you can live with.
Marry someone you think you cannot live without.

Marisa said...

If only people would learn to be more grateful for the life they have and about themselves. Perhaps only by then that they'd be grateful for the fact that others are trying too. I'd say, the reason why half of people in the planet feel so lonely in this world, it's because the other half is trying to be perfect just by themselves. They forgot about those who are always waiting just around the corner.

Am I making any sense? Lol.

Never been good in these stuffs anyways.

rahma said...

' A friend of mine was bemoaning her marriage the other day. She said she didn't marry her "true love" cos of religion, '

hmmm.....
what's her religion?
I thought western are more open minded about interfaith marriage....
there's no law like in Indonesia rite that we are just allowed to marry to the same religion in the country..

..

johnorford said...

anon, kinda clich├ęd eh?

marisa, i don't really get ya, might have the kernel of a good idea tho...

rahma, she's indo, but u know, sometimes family is law in indo...

Marisa said...

It's about being ungrateful. Thanks. :)